Gone
by keeeks
Summary: You never appreciate what you have until it's gone. "They were signs. Blatant. Obvious. Standing right in front of you. You saw them, sure. You just chose to pretend. Pretend they weren't there." Oneshot. Rated T for CHARACTER DEATH.


Disclaimer: I don't own the Clique.

Normally I am not one for tragedies, but this popped into my head and I couldn't ignore it.

Please do NOT read if you don't like potentially upsetting fics.

**WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH.**

--

You never appreciate what you have until it's gone. For you, that saying holds very true.

There she sat, head in hands, sobbing. Her ever-present smile, gone. Her bright blue eyes, lifeless. Her lush blonde hair, tangled. And yet you felt nothing. No remorse. At least, not for her, because he loved you. He loved you so freaking much. And you knew. You knew that fact very, very well, and yet, you ignored him. Teased him. Hurt him. Everything that you did was cracking his heart a little more than the last time. It was just so easy, to take your pent up anger, and release it on him. He was an easy target, for he loved you too much to seriously get you back. And you know that all that you should have ever done was love him.

You saw the way he looked at you. The little gifts he gave you. The way he used playful banter. They were signs. Blatant. Obvious. Standing right in front of you. You saw them, sure. You just chose to pretend. Pretend that they weren't there. That he wasn't there. Pretend that he didn't really love you. Reminiscing, you realize that your own boyfriend at the time was nothing like him. Maybe that's what hurt him even more. The boyfriend. What did this boyfriend have to offer… that he didn't? And in retrospect- you have absolutely no idea.

And then, there was her. She was so upset when she heard. She loved him so much. A different kind of love that he had for you, of course, but she was ripped intro shreds. She was so close to him, no matter how angry he made her at times. And maybe that's why she was always so upset when you were around him. Every single day, she watched you shatter his heart. Tear it apart. Rip it into shreds. You know that when you did that, you were slowly killing her, your best friend, on the inside, too. She just couldn't take it, and neither could he.

He was amazing. He was your first kiss, and you never really wanted it from him. Now you cherish that fact, and you wonder if you felt any sparks when he kissed you. On that subject, you know that when you kissed the boyfriend, there were no sparks. There was romantic setting, a chilly winter night in Lake Placid, and no adults hovering around and you just figured out there was nothing, on your part anyways.

You never really saw him for who he was. He was funny. Smart. Clever. Cute. Then, he was just some kid to you that followed you and your girls around and was a little brat. Now, you know that he was just trying to be closer to you, not annoy you. And that made you feel a sharp pang in your heart, just how he must have felt when you made jabs at him.

You decided that maybe it was time to pay a little attention to what was going on around you. There she stood, side by side with his grave, speaking about him.

"He… w-was just so-so a-am-amazing." She said, as hot tears rolled down her cheeks. She never cried this much. Never. And then, you felt a rush of sorrow, because you, for once in your life, felt _sorry_ for her. She loved him in a much different way than you could have, and yet the importance was that she did. You didn't… you felt nothing but anger for the younger of the two Lyons children. She looks at you for a second, her piercing blue eyes staring into your amber orbs, and you quickly look away.

You never look away.

Your stares are supposed to be so intense that your opponent lowers their eyes in defeat. But not her. Somehow, you just know that his death has changed her. She is stronger now. No longer a weak, innocent, bystander. You know that she won't take your crap anymore. This is the closest thing to serenity you'll have in a while, because you know that school will be a disaster this coming Monday.

And you wonder if it is your fault that he's gone. Because you didn't accept him. Appreciate him. Love him. You know that you killed both him and her on the inside, but on the outside, she was alive, and he wasn't.

They say that everything happens for a reason. And you wonder why he had to die. The death sucked the life out of his parents, her, everyone. He was so exciting to be around, and without him, everything was so calm, but the tension in the air was thick. Then, the mass of people dressed in all black began to file out of the cemetery, crying and looking at the ground without a word to say. You look at his parents, who were hugging each other tightly, and crying. She slowly walked over to you. She looks you straight in the eye.

"You know, he really loved you, Massie. More than Derrick ever did." Her face is so sincere that she can't possibly be lying. You were right.

"I know that, Claire," You say.

"He was going to give this to you, yesterday." Her lip trembles, and she bursts into tears, because he was not there yesterday to give this note to you. She handed the note to you, and you wrap her in a big hug.

"It will be alright, Claire," you say, "I know it. He's watching down on us." She says nothing in response, but she offers to you a small smile and a nod.

"Thanks, Massie." She waves goodbye, and for some strange reason, you're not sure if you'll ever see Claire again.

"Bye, Claire." Then, you unfold the note.

_Massie-_

_I know that you never liked me much. You think that I'm just some annoying, obnoxious little kid with a silly crush on you. It's not just a crush, Massie. I love you. More than your dumb boyfriend Derrick ever will. And honest to God, I know that you don't love me, and that you never will. _

_And no matter how much you hurt me, I still like you, a lot. Your witty comebacks, the way you love purple, how your charm bracelet jingles when you walk and how you never leave home without with it, how you light up when you see him here for you. I just wish that you lit up when you saw me. And I had to tell you, or else my heart would burst and it would never heal. But I'm trying to get over you, really, I am. But hey, at least I got the kiss._

_-Todd_

It was short, like Todd. Sweet, like Todd.

You clutch the note in your hand. You look around, and scream, "Claire! Wait!" But she is gone. Everyone is gone. You scream. It starts to rain, and you begin to sob. You walk over to the gravestone, and lean against it, placing your bouquet of lilacs on the dirt next to you.

"Todd," you say, "I'm so sorry. I messed up. I'm a bitch. I love you, Todd." And you know that it is too late to say that.

In the pouring rain, you think of everything that happened too late for you. You couldn't do that to him. And you decide that it's not too late to fix this, even if he was really gone for good. You dug a hole in the dirt, and lower your charm bracelet into it. You bury it, and heave a sigh.

"Hey Todd... remember me up there?" You ask shakily. "The bracelet. For you. Keep it." You wish that there was a way for him to respond.

The wind howls, and you shudder. _"I will,"_ you hear, and you know that it was he. He was gone, but you know that he forgave you for all that you did to harm him. Knowing that, you smile meekly as you sit in the cemetery in the rain, mourning the death of the young Todd Lyons.

--

This was so hard for me to write.

I hate the ending, though.

Review!

And I apologize if I offended anyone with this story.


End file.
